I’m currently sitting at my office desk, having a little too much time on my hands. Things are slow and that gives me a lot of time to reflect on far too many aspects of my life.
I currently feel like I’m just hanging in there, letting one day pass after another, doing the things I’m expected to be doing on each particular day without getting too much pleasure out of them. I’m ridiculously tired every single day and usually have a hard time getting things done before I can finally head to bed − even the most basic tasks like taking a shower or preparing food seem to require too much of an effort. The next day, I wake up almost as tired as I was before I went to sleep, drag myself to work and basically repeat each step from the day before. While this is perfectly fine on some days, I can’t help but wonder whether this is really it. There surely must be more to life than just this. I don’t want to just exist for the rest of my life!?
Every time that thought pops into my head, I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel about it. Existing as in being alive should make me feel lucky as, unfortunately, it’s not a given. I should be grateful for being alive, rather healthy and employed, with a roof over my head and with a more than sufficient food supply. A tiny part of me is truly grateful for that, but apparently it’s not enough to make me feel happy. I suspect that this is a side-effect of growing up in a surrounding in which everything I needed was easily available. I sometimes wonder if it’s a “western” thing to strive for more than just comfort, to long for life to have a higher meaning. Can’t we just be happy with everything that we already have? Why do we need to be the smartest, richest, happiest, best?
It’s like it’s impossible to live life unless we figure out what it’s really all about. That’s the thing though – it might not really be about anything. Maybe it’s just life, without any fancy deeper meaning to it. Maybe none of us have a purpose.
Don’t get me wrong, I deeply admire those who actually manage to achieve (positive) changes in the world, the ones who actually make a difference. I’m also aware that striving for bigger things is the main reason for change and evolution in the first place. If everyone had always been content with their current life, we would probably still be living in caves.
All I’m trying to say is that while it’s great to be an achiever and to strive for improvement, it’s not for everyone and it’s okay to take a break every now and then. Maybe we should try not to beat ourselves up over not knowing what life’s really about and just live instead. There is no do-over for life itself, we only get to live it once! Unless reincarnation really is a thing, of course, in which case we’re all good 🙂 .
Carrot Days 