- Communication is important.
Without proper communication, everything is sh*t. Be it at work or outside of work, if you can’t communicate what you want / need to say, the result won’t be satisfactory and you might end up somewhere you never wanted to be in the first place.
I’m much better at communicating in writing than face to face, but I still have a long way to go in order to become the communicator I’d like to be, which is why I put communication as the first, hence most important lesson.
Check in with yourself to find out why you can’t seem to be able to talk about the things that are important to you − is fear of rejection holding you back? Do you feel like you’re not being heard? If you’re having a hard time talking about the easy / proportionally unsignificant things, you’ll probably choke on the more difficult topics.
Either way, not saying the things you want to say is always worse than communicating them in a really bad way, so it can only get better!
- The line between looking after yourself and causing pain to other people is ridiculously thin.
Having been on the receiving as well as the “giving” end of this, I’m now aware that it can be quite a challenge to do what’s best for you without hurting other people in the process.
However, pretending to be someone you’re not or pretending to be comfortable with something you actually find dreadful for fear of causing discomfort to others is not a solution. Don’t be a jerk but be honest about what works for you and what doesn’t.
- Don’t bring cake to the apartments of guys you’re dating (especially not in food containers you’d like to retrieve).
The gesture will NOT be appreciated the way you’d expect it to be and you won’t get any kind of feedback regarding the taste of your (vegan, gluten-and-refined-sugar-free, no less!) homemade cake. Also, you will not get the container back.
Current situation: −
21 food container s.*
- Know what’s profoundly important to you.
What are the things you deeply care about? Your non-negotiables?
Visualise them. Write them down. Keep them close.
Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about them (or turn you into the king / queen of Wobble City).
- Don’t assume at all, and if you absolutely must: assume good intent.
Don’t assume that people have all the information that you have.
When in doubt, ask them.
Don’t assume the worst. Not everyone is out to get you. A lot of people actually mean no harm to you.
When in doubt, ask them.
(→ The Danger of Assumptions)
- Feelings are just feelings.
They really are just that. And they’re temporary, so they won’t last forever.
Unfortunately, this goes for both bad AND good feelings, so make sure you soak up all the happiness while you can and enjoy all the little moments of life. Don’t wait for the next big thing before you allow yourself to be happy. As cliché as it may sound, do ENJOY THE LITTLE THINGS.
- Knowing what needs to be worked on and succeeding in doing so are two different things.
Being aware of what you’re struggling with is an excellent starting point to actually work on it. However, it’s an entire process − you’ll need to make the decision to work on the issue, then actually start putting in the work.
It’s fine if you don’t succeed at first. It’s also fine to take a break and not feel like going for it every darn day. It’s perfectly normal to fall back into old patterns. The most important thing is that you’re kind to yourself along the ride and that you keep showing up for yourself again and again. Don’t stop trying your best.
That’s it for now. It’s obviously a non-exhaustive list of lessons I’ve learned, which is susceptible to be completed and/or edited along the way of me trying to live my best life.
* Edit: One of the containers was returned to me today, so I edited the post for the sake of accuracy and fairness, because I was informed that my post was slightly unfair (or, as some would put it, “schiel”) 😉 …